Diary heart

happy 2023! checking in, how are we doin on the earth planet? Warning, late night words I didn’t edit. Always write about same general topic? broken record girl

I think a lot a lot about the idea of feeling resolute.. the dissolution of my need to think a lot without numbing, masking, ignoring. I daydream about feeling resounding peace in my bones, in my spirit. I’m no stranger to the feeling. But I often find myself (like the rest of us) succumbing to materiality, desires of the flesh.. livin breezy on the surface, disregarding those who came before me and will exist after me.. blah blah blah, seeking momentary pleasure. Whatever. Wish I didn’t care so much. Buy the things, drink the alcohol, try to look pretty, etc. Not that it’s all wrong either. Not trying to hash out right/wrong good/evil at the moment. But can say to succumb and numb is easier than facing the reality of existence, unavoidable suffering… eventual death! Certainly easier than feeling everything.. easier. Sometimes I unconsciously err on solipsism to get by.

But for me, all that eventually requires dissonance that causes a dull ache in my gut when I lay my head on my pillow. You’re still missing the mark, Jill!! you’ve been here! lesson not learned. clearly! Get off your phone! Anyways, could say a lot more words but no one needs to hear about what I must do to feel fulfilled. I guess my frontal lobe has fully developed still don’t know anything really, but I do think we’re just here to love love love hard, delight in the beauty of the physical world, and mostly laugh a lot (a LOT). Have fun!!! Doesn’t need to be brooding and complex, doesn’t even require words.. definitely requires touching a lot of grass. Nothing new to see here I’ve said this all before in some iteration.

Thanks for reading my babble. Note to self: dont be too hard on yourself. you can’t save the world (she never even asked to be saved) love you dearly